on mental health

i've been leaving this in my notes for the longest time, contemplating whether to post it or not in fear of appearing attention-seeking. however, i've came to notice that my reaction is exactly the reason why i need to address this issue:

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whenever i told someone that i would like to get help with diagnosing depression, the first question i will be asked would be, 

“why would you want to be diagnosed with depression?”, followed by the next one,

“are you sure you are depressed?”.

i get that there’s no ill-intention in the above question, but does my feelings need to be validated by you for me to count it as a possibility of depression?

a counsellor who i’ve seen awhile ago has asked me why would i want to be labelled as someone who is suffering from depression, i told her that it’s so because next time when i have one of my episodes, it would be easier for me to direct the cause to depression, rather than trying to think for the entire time why exactly am i sad, when will this sadness ends, would tonight be possibly the last time. because i can blame it on depression, i can look forward to get over the depressive episode.

“but people i’ve counselled wouldn’t want to be labelled as someone who’s suffering from depression.”

it got me really thinking, do i really want to be labelled as someone who’s suffering from depression? after all, depression is an illness and it’s not something where you could wear it proudly.

“…not something you could wear it proudly.”

i think i’ve found the reason why the people doesn’t want to be labelled as someone who’s suffering from depression, not because they are in denial of themselves having one, but rather it’s because they are in denial of other people accepting that they have depression. then i found this Quora answer which says exactly what i'm thinking:

you see people advocating that they are a survivor of breast cancer, survivor of this, survivor of that, but you have never seen someone coming out as a survivor of depression. that is because the society shuns away from talking about mental illness, mental illness to them is not as real as your other illness like cancer. it’s all in your mind and there’s no definite cure, and because there’s no definite cure, it could means it’s doesn’t exist. you can’t have an MRI scan to see the spreading of cancer cells. after all, it’s all in your mind, right?

another reason why no one wants to be labelled as someone suffering from depression is due to the media’s portray of them. i’ve been watching TV drama ever since i was a kid, specifically your local dramas about slices of life. time to time, you would come to see a side character who has some sort of mental illness. their portray of depressive people has been of someone who’s insanely mentally unstable, who can’t perform normal day-to-day duties, always a little bit too psychotic, or maybe a little too much of wanting to kill themselves as of now and then. i wouldn’t want to be diagnosed with any type of mental illness after watching these dramas, they are so insane. 

well it’s true that people with severe conditions would portray such extreme behaviours however, doesn’t applies to majority of the sufferers. most of them would still try to live their life as per normal, it’s just that some days, it would be harder than usual for us to get by. some days, maybe we would think it’s better for us to disappear, but we are not all as psychotic as how local drama has portray us as. we are normal people, just with more difficulties coping with what’s going in our mind.

i didn’t like how my counsellor initially brushed away the decision of me wanting to go to a professional for diagnose and opt for me to go for a counselling session instead. if i had wanted counselling and it actually helps, i wouldn’t be like what i am right now. i don’t need another human who tries to empathise my situation to tell me things will get better without going through whatever i’ve been through. i seek for help, however that’s not the help i wanted. someone out there will bound to disagree with my reason for not wanting to go through counselling session however, let us not push our own opinions onto another person but to be inclusive of each and everyones’. the world can’t function with everyone having the same mindset.

i will be seeing a psychologist soon, i do not know if i would want to be diagnosed as one, but whatever comes as it is.

2016's Reflection

I have neglected this space for so so so long. I was busy, and too tired to do anything about this. But now that I finally have the time to sit down and think through things, it shall be the time. Let's make this the reflection post for 2016.

2016 started out great for me, till everything started to crumble and fall apart. And as I'm a fucking Libra (quoting Adore from Drag Race heh), to not have my life be balanced, it totally threw me off and away. My life literally went downwards.

I was, actually still am, going through a break up. It has been 9 months since then, shock me pretty badly to know that it has been 9 months since then. Everything ended on a pretty bad note because I have absolute no idea how to deal with emotions, not my own, not even his. I became cold and numb and devoted myself entirely to school work. It's only when the semester finally ended, which then I have the time to think through everything. By then, everything was too late. I was too late.

It was the worst period of my life, I don't even have any idea if I'm still going through this period. I was sad, depressed, and never went through a day without tears, never went through the day without having my eyes swollen from all the crying. I sink deeper and deeper into my sadness, to the point where I could just break down and cry even in the public.

Then school started. I devoted myself entirely into school work again. I think I meant to have a life of a workaholic because being busy just makes me so happy. Even though there were times when I was stress, but being stress is better than being sad. I'm so happy that I was stress. I got close to people who I never thought I could get close to, they have now become some of the closest friends that I ever had. They were there for me through my ups but mostly down, I know things about them that they have never disclose to anyone.

But even when school has started, things wasn't taking a better turn. Situations happened at home and I was badly shook by it. Seeing some stuffs has just made me realised that how much I actually do care about my loved ones even though most of the times I was just annoyed by them. The situation has inspired me to write a film which was supposedly meant for my final year project. Shit happened and it was translated earlier to the screen than I would like to. Film wasn't entirely reflecting what I intend it to be, but still, it is my film (even tho some shit happened and I wasn't the one who wrote the story).

I went back to the online dating world. Partly the reason why I wasn't as sad as I was during the break was because of the people there. There's just something about talking to strangers, because none of us has met each other before, so the conversation will start with us trying to know each other. Whereas friends, they would know what's going on with your life, and it just gets harder to not talk about certain things.

Now, back to the reason why I'm typing this. I felt like I lived my life in amnesia for the past few months, because everything just came flooding back, all the memories, all the forgotten feelings, everything. And I think it's time where I should treat myself better. To let go of whatever that left, and to fully embrace whatever has to come. Living in the past may seem a little easier for me to breathe, but what is life if everything was easy.


Forsan miseros meliora sequentur.

假期

好久不见，最近太忙了。忙着课业，忙着看戏，忙着休息。

同学一直叫我出门，但我都一一拒绝。

生活，难道一定要过得轰烈才算是活过吗？

我想要的是一个平淡、无忧、没烦恼的。

虽然说人生短短几十年，但每个人对人生的定义不同。

有些会希望活得像部电影，刺激，富有爆发力。

而有些希望活的像只树懒。

我就是那个活得像树懒得。

我现在虽然闷在家里发慌，可是过不久后又要去打工了。

哎呀，打工也好，有钱赚。

只不过一想到要面对那些麻烦，自以为是的顾客，就反胃。

不过也没关系，当作是考验自己，挑战自我。

挑战我对人的耐性。

最近去了水族馆，里面真的超多生物。

仿佛我又回到十年前。

不过老实说，那些鱼真的很丑。

但还好动物界没有所谓美的定义，哪像人。

人呢，就一直喜欢比。

比谁最美，最可爱。

还来一个选美比赛，然我不经对人类感到失望。

为什么人不了解知足长乐。

虽让说有上进心好，能够超越自我。

但是弄巧反拙也没什么意思啊。

也许是世界发展得太快，那些赶不上的就会被淘汰。

所以大家也不怎么顾自己的身心。

“身心嘛，怎么能和知识和技巧比。等有钱再管身心。”

到此一游，拜

Achievement Rant

I got woken up at 9.30am by the constant vibration from my phone, turns out it's Nick telling me that Porter Robinson has restocked his merchandise with Galaxxxy.

While waiting for his reply, I went to scroll my Twitter timeline and came across one of the people I know tweeting about her boyfriend buying her drinks when he's late.

Oh! She even tagged her boyfriend in it. How convenient to stalk.

So I clicked on her boyfriend's twitter and look at his profile picture. Then I went over to hers to see it again because it was a group photo for her boyfriend's profile picture. Then I saw something, a blog link. I clicked on it, hoping hard that it's not password protected like some other blog that I tried to read (seriously, if you put passwords to your blog, don't share it, don't give me hopes). Praise the Lord, it's not protected.

Then I begin reading. Reading about how she's contented with her life right now with her boyfriend. And my eyes gaze over to the left, her short biography with a list of school she's attending and has attended. She was from a JC and is currently studying NTU Accountancy. And then I got real envy of her. You know how the phrase goes "green with envy", no, mine is blue. I'm blue, I'm feeling so blue.

Looking at her achievement, JC, Accountancy, RI boyfriend, this girl is going somewhere, and then I look back at mine. I was feeling all so pathetic as my whole life regrets flashes across my eye. I should have done better for PSLE, I should have gone into a better school, I should have studied for O levels, I should have stayed in MI and study even harder. All the "I should" and "Why didn't I" floods my head,  I have no mood to buy the merch, neither do I have the mood to continue living lol.

Then other people's achievement floods my mind, someone I knew went into NUS Law, someone I knew promoted to final year in MI, someone I knew is studying Business in SMU, someone I knew was offered a teaching scholarship, it's everyone but not me. Where am I? I'm currently in the Second year of Screen Media in one of the local Art School. What is Screen Media? That's where I don't get going about what I'm studying. Normally people's reaction towards other subjects will be like,

"Oh! Accountancy ah! Wow, you're going to make big bucks in the future."
"Wa, law? You must be really smart."

No one goes, "OMG, am I looking at the next Hollywood big director?" No. Absolutely no normal soul (in Singapore). Like c'mon, everyone tries their best to siam Arts in Singapore because they know you cannot make a living out of Arts in Singapore. Have you see any Secondary School kids going all crazy over Art? No. Most of them will be like, Oh no, I have to study hard so that I can get Triple Science and be a doctor, no one goes, Okay, I have to draw better so that I can be an Artist in Singapore. ABOULUTELY NO NORMAL SOUL IN SG WILL SAY THAT. How depressing is it to be an Art student in Sg.

So damn depressing.

So depressing till I want to sleep till I die.

So depressing that I don't want to continue the next semester of my school.

Just a bunch of fucking losers doing Art.

Fucking buck up your game Singapore. I can't stay here to do Art if I want to be success.

Then again, why rant when I could do something to change it. Point is, I'm still wallowing in my own sadness and I haven't got out of bed.

Year Dua

Hey, how's it going (did you read that in Pewd's voice)? I'm just updating this space because I felt that I left it vacant for too long (for like, a month plus?) So, my 3 months holiday has finally come to an end with my completing almost NOTHING on my itinerary for holiday. I mean, I did my passport and work, and work for the whole holiday, THE ENTIRE HOLIDAY.

Now that I'm finally in Year 2 for NAFA's Screen Media, the workload, of course, will be different from year 1. Firstly, we get to touch the video camcorder (I swear the case for the camera is damn heavy, my arm almost broke carrying them from school to home). Secondly, we got to play with Adobe's Premium Pro which I am damn excited about because I want to be a Film Editor if nothing goes wrong. I just love editing raw footages. That sense of satisfaction when you're done piecing the footages together into one film is just indescribable.

Pardon my retarded face.

Anyway, my class is still and will be the same throughout my remaining course of studies in NAFA. Though the whole class is stuck with the two most hated person in the class (seriously, someone kick them out please), however, our bond with each other has gotten stronger than before, and we have started to bond with other classmates which we previously do not have much chances to talk to. Plus, I'm really thankful to another class for requesting to our course head to not mix us up as the other class is seriously annoying af. They could laugh at the lamest thing that you'll never thought of. Just yesterday, the lecturer was trying to show us the movie "Blue Valentine" which was inspired by Italian Neorealism. However, he went to Youtube and search for the movie, click on one of the thumbnail and thought that the movie will be played, but instead it just showed a picture directing him to another site to watch the movie, and then the other class laughed. Me and my classmates just sat there and look at each other blankly, wondering what the fuck is so funny about that, and came to the conclusion that their laughing meter (笑点) is way too low. Oh my God.

Okay bye I have class at 9am and it's 2.32am right now and I have a report not done at all yet AND IT'S DUE LATER.

HER VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL?

School Sucks: Part 1

Pardon for the lack of updates, I was barely catching any breath from all the piling schools works and overwhelming of emotions.

As I'm entering the final phase of my Year 1 education in NAFA, I concluded quite a few stuff:

1. Don't bother to look good, because you're going to end up looking shag as hell from those assignments.
2. But please still bother to dress presentably, by that, I do not mean Banana button down.
3. Guys don't matter anymore, heck, they don't even bother me a bit.
4. "Famous" people could be your classmate too, by famous I mean Social Media Influencer. That's when you realised we are all just human.
5. Bitches are everywhere.
6. Pretending to be interested in the module is a chore.
7. Bootlicking lecturers is a chore.
8. Waking up early is a chore.
9. I wish I'm dead.

As you could see, I'm not leading a very pleasant life in NAFA. People who think that Art students lead an easy life should probably try to be in our shoes by forcing themselves to draw at least 10 pieces every single fucking day, or drag your ass all around Singapore just for that one or two perfect shots, or cracking your brain just to find that tinny bits of inspiration which will eventually get rejected by lecturers. You may think that we Art students are leading a very cool, very edgy life, trust me, it takes skills and lecturer's notes to put together an all-black outfit for your funeral.

Behind our red/plum lip/ridiculously coloured hair lies a crazy idea that no one have the balls to do.

LOL, it probably doesn't make sense up there but do Art makes sense?

Do people who dipped their whole body in honey makes sense to you? (clickable link)

No, so you don't have to know what I was trying to type up there, just know that Art students aren't having an easy life too.

What's worse than having this AWESOMESAUSE idea in your head but when you do it out in real life, it's zero percent near to what you had in your brain. Let me tell you, that moment is the moment where I wish I could pull my tongue and cut it off and slowly bleed to death, or have people to shoot arrows front, back, left, right, diagonally top and bottom left, diagonally top and bottom right into my head. Letting yourself down could be the BIGGEST disappoint you could ever have, besides letting your parents down.

Emotionally wise, I'll save that for next post. Right now, I feel like a zombie who has not slept for centuries.

Get a Life

"Get a life Yeeling."

That was written on my table when I was in Sec 3 and just returned from my Chinese class. Boy, I was so furious.

"Who wrote this shit?"
"Who are you to tell me to get a life?"

I was so ready to write a come back on the table, but decided to not to do so because that means I admitted that I need to get a life and was defeated by the vandalise-r. I spent my whole day after that getting so bothered by that 4 words sentence.

"Get a life Yeeling."

Now that I think about it, I guessed that mystery person did help me some how. Back to those days, I was all about Red Cross Youth, my former unit, pretty much nothing goes on in my life other than that. I was called a "Red Cross Freak" because I was too devoted to my CCA. That name sounded like an insult, a reminded, an alert to me to do something else.

"Get a life Yeeling."

I still did not "get a life" when I was Sec 4. I pretty much flunked my O level due to that life I was leading. Surprisingly, it did not really bothered me because someone supported me, needless to say I'm not friend with this someone anymore due to differences in personality.

So have I got my life yet? I haven't fully lead my life, but I'm not going to lead my life by being tied down to something that I deemed as dictatorial. I begin to lead my own life by going into an Art school, dying my hair pink, being unfitting to social norm.

I'm getting my life.

Embrace yourself

Embrace yourself, they say,

when people constantly reminds how much of a failure you are.

Embrace your curves, they say,

when people are talking about how fat they are and you are just staring at yourself silently,

asking, "what about me?".

Embrace your acne, they say,

when promoters are pointing out your flaws and recommending you their products,

and you wondered, "will it help this time?".

Embrace your features, they say,

"we are perfect in our own ways", and they proceed to compliment how pretty she is,

while contradicting their words.

Embrace your single eye lids, they say,

when they are using stickers or going for surgeries to get double.

Embrace your folds, they say,

and they keep on pinching and touching your folds, with that sickening grin on their face.

Embrace your personality, they say,

"you are not born to please people", and constantly get pissed when you don't go their way.

Embrace your past, they say,

"it's the past that shapes your present", yet they kept on bringing the past to prove how much of an asshole you are.

Embrace your status, they say,

"we all have our own pros", but seriously, who notices them beside the brain and beauty.

Embrace your smile, they say,

but don't come and bullshit me and ask why do I smile a certain way.

Stop having double standards.

Embrace yourself first.

Why talk!!

Dating back to my old entries on technologies impacting our humanity (read entry here), I hereby, committed a crime. However this time, it's not about humanity, it's about real life interaction. I'm not talking to people in real life.

During my period of living on this fast moving world, I have witness the evolve of communication from pagers, to black and white phones, to coloured phone, lastly to smart phone that has outwitted the intelligence of human. It's true that the world has gotten A LOT smaller, not the literal one, meaning that the distance of human has shrunk, we no longer needa wait days for a reply, neither do we need to pray to God to hope to see someone because we just couldn't guess when will they appear, but, BUT, it has further our human relations, THE REAL TALKING.

I met up with my Secondary school's school mates (supposedly one, but more came haha) just yesterday. I owned him a Starbucks, so I whatsapp-ed him all the details of meet up. So when I reached, he wasn't alone, but that's not the case. As more people came, the frequency of me checking my phone increases. Partly because I was being an awkward ass, but half of the time when a conversation was going on, my eye couldn't leave the brightly lilted screen. I was too engrossed into another conversation with another friend. I was busy "catching up" with his life behind phone that I forgot to catch up with real people who were talking in front of me.

I remembered telling a friend of mine to stop using his phone when we met up because it's just plainly rude to ignore the existence of a real person while you were busy being alive on the social media. He said sorry and I just let the matter go. Contradicting much, I did something I swore I would never do.

Sometimes I just wondered how hard it is to put the God damn phone down just for a few hours and talk to your friends. I mean, if you needa make a phone call or insta your pictures it's perfectly fine, just make sure you don't take hour to choose that damn filter. We are too comfortable behind phone, mainly because we do not need to feel vulnerable when we bare our feelings. The phone is doing the talking, not us! But it is because of the value of vulnerability that we lost touch with our real feelings, we forgot how it is like to be anticipating into a conversation, we forgot how it feels like to be catching your breathe because you're talking about World Cup, like please, who don't love World Cup! We can't show our excited-ness behind the phone. No amount of ! can express our excitement none other than baring your expression with flying hands and suddenly-high-pitched voice.

Also, I didn't get Felfel when she asked me why am I going out with random people that I don't even know in real life. First of all, they are not really random people, we talked a little on the app, and thought that it would be better to carry the conversation outside the phone. Also, we should save the topics we are going to talk about to real life than talking about them behind phone, we are able to click on better this way and know each other better. But well, on the other hand, it's kinda dangerous to be going out with someone who you barely know for a week. Guilty.

In conclusion, I need to stop using my phone when I'm with people. Unless I'm in awkward situation, then that's another story. Also, stop using your phone when you're with me, or I will stare at you till you die.

1 million dollar school

Today is the first day of school for all the schooling kids.

 Right after I ended  my overnight shift at work, I saw a Brooksian in McDonald at 5.30+am.

 That familiarly ugly blue uniform that is widely recognised as the "cleaner's uniform"; gosh, how much do I miss that.

 Proceed back home, bathed, and then woke my sister up for school.

 After she left, I was flipping through her Combined Chemistry textbook.

 The syllabus has changed.

 And I stopped to realised how fast time has passed:

 2 years since I've graduated. 

Fuck, I miss school so much that I wanna tear now.

Fuck, I miss the memories I had in school so much.

Fuck, I miss the people I met in school so much.

Fuck, I miss having lessons and falling asleep in them because I did not sleep well.

Fuck, I miss copying homework underneath the table because I was rushing the others.

How much do I wish I could do all these now.

My painful red problemS

And I swear, it's making my self-esteem dropped like dominoes. LOL.

My painful red problemS started appearing when I was sec 4. Gosh, why. All along, I had clear and flawless skin, and it's only after I started using face wash, POOF, ma face is a breeding ground for active volcanoes like ACNE. Okay, my acne wasn't that bad when it first started out, it was those typical pimples where it's just a pus-filled bump, just a squeeze (HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED) and it will be gone in a few days. Gods know why the demon level of acne decided to migrate to ma face and settle down. Know what's the demon level? CYSTIC and NODULES.

Ma face is like an live specimen of acne. Name the acne, I have it, ON MY FREAKING FACE:

Whitehead - whitish bump
Blackhead  - whitish bump which was exposed to air and oxidised, thus black
Pustules - small, round lesion with white/yellowish pus (I like to pop this LOL)
Cysts - inflamed, hard lesion that settles deep into my skin and when you touch it it's EFFING PAINFUL <- I hate this the most
Nodules - hardened cysts, EVEN WORSE. Why? Because it stays for MONTHS
Bacne (google tried to autocorrect this to BACON HAHAHA) - back acne. Basically pimples on your back and if it's those painful one, RIP when you rest your back on a wall or something

Yes. And I am not kidding, I really do have this on my face, right now, and I could cry a river if that means my acne will disappear with my tears too. It's horrible living this these demonic bumps.

horrible

ˈhɒrɪb(ə)l/

adjective

1.

causing or likely to cause horror; shocking.

And my acne causes shock too. Wow.

- Story 1-

I remember my relative from Malaysia once came to my house to visit my mother. They haven't seen me in awhile and once they saw me, the first question they asked was,

"为什么你的脸突然有那么多一粒一粒的啊？Why your face suddenly so many little bumps arh?"

I WISHED I KNOW WHY TOO.

I just blush off their question with,

“我也不知道. I don't know why too."

- Story 2 -

I met my friend who I have not seen for months. The last time I saw her was March period, my skin at that point of time wasn't at its worst. After warming up with her for a good 10 minutes plus, she asked,

"做么你的脸突然间这样？Why did you face suddenly become like this? -circling her own cheeks-"

I was rolling eyes in my mind. NOT THIS QUESTION AGAIN I WISHED I KNOW WHY TOO.

"-shrug shoulders- I don't know."

- Story 3 -

Me and my senior was applying for job as a Barista in McCafe in an ungodly hour (2am+ haha). So we got the application form and as we fill in the details, the manager chatted with us, telling us that the Barista's there are kinda good looking and some even had their phone numbers getting asked from customer (according to manager). Then he brought up a question to senior, 

"Do you normally wear glasses?"

She answered, "Urgh no, I don't, I only wear it when I'm at home (forgot her exact answer)."

"Oh because our cafe no one wears glasses because it looks better without glasses (somewhere along the line."

And after the manager stopped talking for awhile, she turned and look at me, with that look that I know, SHE WAS REFERRING TO MY PIMPLE.

This is what I got from her look:

So me with glasses don't look nice. Then what about you and your pimples?

I stabbed her a thousand time in my mind. Again, I shrug my shoulders and tell her, "I don't know."

- Story 4 -

I was hanging out with my Alpha 14/13 some days and one of them sat beside me and started to tell me about my skin.

"Do you do any skincare regime?"

"Uh, no, just wash my face that's all. No mask or whatsoever."

"WOAH, then your skin very good leh!"

I almost puke in my mind. DAFUQ you serious? Ma face's condition back then is almost the same as current.

I'm accepting my acne. Mind you, it's acceptING, and not acceptED. So whenever someone make a comment on my acne, my self-esteem drops okay. Yes, I know I have acne, but I don't need your kind reminder(s) every now and then. The pain I felt on my face is already reminding me what a horrible (and shockingly) face I am having.

And do you know how tempting it is to see a face wash? You never know because you lucky people do not have acne like mine. Every time I walk passed a skincare shop or Guardian or Watson, I will 80% go in and search for my Savior, and 100%, my Savior do not work wonders. I have spent hundreds on skincare and face wash and the money spent is breaking me down. Every time I buy a skincare back, I will pray thoroughly to God, hoping that it will work and God answered my prayers, by giving me more painful red problemS. I want to cry so badly whenever one new member is added onto my face. You have no idea how devastating it is.

I know a number of you have introduced me or told me to do this or that, I did. And my face is still the same yo. And every time when I'm on tumblr or working, I will be looking at their face, to be specific, their skin. And most of the time, they have effing clear skin, like porcelain (LOL, maybe not that perfect), and I will be stomping and rolling on ground in my mind asking WHY GOD OF ACNE WHY ME. But seriously, why?

I did thought of using make up to cover up my acne but no, I don't want, and I don't dare, because it will add up to the burden. They say (the Internet) to let your acne BREATHE. F no? I wish they can be suffocated to death and stop bothering me. But no, I heed the Internets advice and bare ma face, and all of the time ma face looks like this 

Those two red dots are the famous breeding ground for pimples. And accompanied with white and black bumps.

You know, I really envy people who are able to conceal their face with concealer, because that means your face is GOOD, you can cover up your flaw(s) with it yo. And I bloody can't do that, it just look x100 disgusting if I ever do that. Okay, maybe the reds can be covered, but never the bumps. 

I read reviews about this DRx clinic and I'm hoping to try out. Their reviews are good and what not. But you know everything in the world must be balanced with Ying and Yang, so if it's good, there must be something that's not so good about it. Well, a consultation with the doctors there can cost about $100 and your customised skincare regime can cost you up to $600+. You got me, SIX HUNDRED PLUS. I'm working my ass off right now to save (the money) and save (my face). I wonder how tired will I need to be to earn it.

How I wish I'm born in rich family or a person with SUPER DUPER ENVIOUS SKIN.

This post is getting kinda (or very) lengthy since I'm ranting about my acne and not writing a short story, and I don't know how to end it anyways. Oh well, f off acne.




P.S I can feel the existence of acne when ever I move my face, that's why I don't smile that much hmm.