V is my last piece of sanity.
Yes, I did just blatantly put that out. Just like how people placed their happiness on another person, I placed my reason for living on a person whom I only knew/dated/saw/loved for 5 months.
A month into 2019 and everything that could have go wrong, went wrong. Things are getting more and more tiring for me. I had my days of hopeful living thinking that I'm gonna make changes, start a wellness journal, find a job, go out in the day more to absorb that vitamin D, but most are just loomed over my never ending gloomy thoughts, unpredictable changes, quarrels, and depression.
And there's V.
Sure, he contributes a fair share to my breakdowns but so far he has been the one holding me together. What we had was the only thing holding me. With him, I look forward to talking to him the next day, seeing his outfits, smoking with him, having him go bat shit protective when he knows I'm going to club. Telling me good morning and goodnight.
And then we took a break.
Our relationship is a toxic one. He's a lone wolf who likes to act upon his own, and I got a little too dependent on him for comfort. We were having the talk after a 3 weeks break, and he said something that goes like this:
"I would rather you heal now than later."
But who said I was going to heal?
Maybe if things happened a year early or a year later, I might have. However with all the new wounds created on me, who said I was going to heal?
If the day really comes where we end it for good, I would truly loss my sanity.
My chest hurts now, it feels as if something heavy is pressing on it.
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