I got woken up at 9.30am by the constant vibration from my phone, turns out it's Nick telling me that Porter Robinson has restocked his merchandise with Galaxxxy.
While waiting for his reply, I went to scroll my Twitter timeline and came across one of the people I know tweeting about her boyfriend buying her drinks when he's late.
Oh! She even tagged her boyfriend in it. How convenient to stalk.
So I clicked on her boyfriend's twitter and look at his profile picture. Then I went over to hers to see it again because it was a group photo for her boyfriend's profile picture. Then I saw something, a blog link. I clicked on it, hoping hard that it's not password protected like some other blog that I tried to read (seriously, if you put passwords to your blog, don't share it, don't give me hopes). Praise the Lord, it's not protected.
Then I begin reading. Reading about how she's contented with her life right now with her boyfriend. And my eyes gaze over to the left, her short biography with a list of school she's attending and has attended. She was from a JC and is currently studying NTU Accountancy. And then I got real envy of her. You know how the phrase goes "green with envy", no, mine is blue. I'm blue, I'm feeling so blue.
Looking at her achievement, JC, Accountancy, RI boyfriend, this girl is going somewhere, and then I look back at mine. I was feeling all so pathetic as my whole life regrets flashes across my eye. I should have done better for PSLE, I should have gone into a better school, I should have studied for O levels, I should have stayed in MI and study even harder. All the "I should" and "Why didn't I" floods my head, I have no mood to buy the merch, neither do I have the mood to continue living lol.
Then other people's achievement floods my mind, someone I knew went into NUS Law, someone I knew promoted to final year in MI, someone I knew is studying Business in SMU, someone I knew was offered a teaching scholarship, it's everyone but not me. Where am I? I'm currently in the Second year of Screen Media in one of the local Art School. What is Screen Media? That's where I don't get going about what I'm studying. Normally people's reaction towards other subjects will be like,
"Oh! Accountancy ah! Wow, you're going to make big bucks in the future."
"Wa, law? You must be really smart."
No one goes, "OMG, am I looking at the next Hollywood big director?" No. Absolutely no normal soul (in Singapore). Like c'mon, everyone tries their best to siam Arts in Singapore because they know you cannot make a living out of Arts in Singapore. Have you see any Secondary School kids going all crazy over Art? No. Most of them will be like, Oh no, I have to study hard so that I can get Triple Science and be a doctor, no one goes, Okay, I have to draw better so that I can be an Artist in Singapore. ABOULUTELY NO NORMAL SOUL IN SG WILL SAY THAT. How depressing is it to be an Art student in Sg.
So damn depressing.
So depressing till I want to sleep till I die.
So depressing that I don't want to continue the next semester of my school.
Just a bunch of fucking losers doing Art.
Fucking buck up your game Singapore. I can't stay here to do Art if I want to be success.
Then again, why rant when I could do something to change it. Point is, I'm still wallowing in my own sadness and I haven't got out of bed.
Gosh! I have typed this so many times, hit a wrong button and have to retype again.. Don't be surprise by my comment ok! Haha. Just happen to saw it on my twitter update.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I also have that feeling of like "what am I doing with my life man!", especially so when I just started in university and all my peers are graduating. But life is not about catching up or who is ahead, or what top school we have gone to. Academic achievements (of the society's standards) doesn't determine who we are, but it is really that courage to pursue that unconventional dream.
I have a friend, since young, her dream was to be an environmentalist. She was the top scorer for O'level, ended up in a Top JC, NUS Economics and eventually bonded to MOE. Her dream to be an environmentalist died when she decided to take up a teaching bond.
Another friend, top secondary school, top JC, NTU Accountancy, and working in one of the big four of the industry as an auditor. Sounds familiar? Sound good? Earning big bucks? Not really. Love her job? not really as well.
Another friend, she loves to draw, and keeps drawing lots of great work (and yes! She was crazy over Art since secondary school days!), ended up in a JC, and eventually gone to LASALLE to pursue her dream. (Not too sure where she is after grad because I didn't keep in contact with her)
A senior, also went JC, eventually went NAFA to do Art. Today, she is working in the pottery industry, establishing a name for herself in the field. More importantly, few years into her career already and she is still loving her job.
Who is more successful then? All true story hor! So don't give up ok! Just keep on going, and keep on believing in the destination that you have set forth. Who knows, maybe one day I would really see your big name in the cinema ;) I will definitely boast to my friend about it! I will wait for that day to come ok!