How it feels to have depression?

You wake up every day, wishing you could go back to sleep.

You do not want to face the world.

You are not ready to face it.

If you have the choice to stay in the whole day, without hesitation, you would.

You couldn't even bother to check up with your friend.

One moment, you could be alright, next moment,

You're gone.

Your mood would totally drop to negative.

Sometimes,

You experience sadness.

Sometimes,

You experience emptiness.

And the sadness I felt is immersed. 

You hide your illness because you feared that people will judge you,

but sometimes you're frustrated with people because they do not know how fragile you are to their words.

You no longer find the motivation to do anything at all.

Eating seems tiring.

Bathing seems tiring.

Talking seems tiring.

Breathing seems tiring.

That is because your mind is the only thing that's running.

Your thoughts would run wild like fire.

You think about the worst possibilities.

You think about rejections.

You think about humiliation.

You wish you could stop thinking,

but that remains a wishful thinking.

You push away people,

including the one you love.

You said stuff that they don't understand,

hoping that they would catch a hint, but they don't.

You don't want to be emotional towards them,

because you know they would run away from you,

but you can't help it because your sanity has been swallowed by sadness.

You throw in the darkest words,

and thoughts that no one would understand.

To no avail, they responded with lightheartedness. 

You just needed someone to take your emotions seriously.

Maybe it's time to leave them.

You put on music the whole day and whole night,

hoping that it would somehow help you to forget your sadness.

The music fade loudly,

your sadness still remains with you.

There are days which you looked normal

but don't be fooled by it.

Your feelings are subconscious,

they still creep to you during the darkest night,

the brightest day,

the crowded room,

and the lonely road.

Death stays with you every single second,

the thoughts are tempting,

but the little hope still whisper,

"It'll get better".

You wonder when.

You finally open up to people to your illness,

you hope that they would stay by you.

But instead,

they took you lightly, 

and say,

"C'mon, it's just sad thoughts. Who doesn't?"

You regret,

you're never talking to people again.

Never

ever.

And right now,

you just want to shut off from the world,

and live in your little world of loneliness.

Hopefully someday,

you would say goodbye to it,

or goodbye to the world.