My painful red problemS

And I swear, it's making my self-esteem dropped like dominoes. LOL.

My painful red problemS started appearing when I was sec 4. Gosh, why. All along, I had clear and flawless skin, and it's only after I started using face wash, POOF, ma face is a breeding ground for active volcanoes like ACNE. Okay, my acne wasn't that bad when it first started out, it was those typical pimples where it's just a pus-filled bump, just a squeeze (HIGHLY NOT RECOMMENDED) and it will be gone in a few days. Gods know why the demon level of acne decided to migrate to ma face and settle down. Know what's the demon level? CYSTIC and NODULES.

Ma face is like an live specimen of acne. Name the acne, I have it, ON MY FREAKING FACE:

Whitehead - whitish bump
Blackhead  - whitish bump which was exposed to air and oxidised, thus black
Pustules - small, round lesion with white/yellowish pus (I like to pop this LOL)
Cysts - inflamed, hard lesion that settles deep into my skin and when you touch it it's EFFING PAINFUL <- I hate this the most
Nodules - hardened cysts, EVEN WORSE. Why? Because it stays for MONTHS
Bacne (google tried to autocorrect this to BACON HAHAHA) - back acne. Basically pimples on your back and if it's those painful one, RIP when you rest your back on a wall or something

Yes. And I am not kidding, I really do have this on my face, right now, and I could cry a river if that means my acne will disappear with my tears too. It's horrible living this these demonic bumps.

horrible

ˈhɒrɪb(ə)l/

adjective

1.

causing or likely to cause horror; shocking.

And my acne causes shock too. Wow.

- Story 1-

I remember my relative from Malaysia once came to my house to visit my mother. They haven't seen me in awhile and once they saw me, the first question they asked was,

"为什么你的脸突然有那么多一粒一粒的啊？Why your face suddenly so many little bumps arh?"

I WISHED I KNOW WHY TOO.

I just blush off their question with,

“我也不知道. I don't know why too."

- Story 2 -

I met my friend who I have not seen for months. The last time I saw her was March period, my skin at that point of time wasn't at its worst. After warming up with her for a good 10 minutes plus, she asked,

"做么你的脸突然间这样？Why did you face suddenly become like this? -circling her own cheeks-"

I was rolling eyes in my mind. NOT THIS QUESTION AGAIN I WISHED I KNOW WHY TOO.

"-shrug shoulders- I don't know."

- Story 3 -

Me and my senior was applying for job as a Barista in McCafe in an ungodly hour (2am+ haha). So we got the application form and as we fill in the details, the manager chatted with us, telling us that the Barista's there are kinda good looking and some even had their phone numbers getting asked from customer (according to manager). Then he brought up a question to senior, 

"Do you normally wear glasses?"

She answered, "Urgh no, I don't, I only wear it when I'm at home (forgot her exact answer)."

"Oh because our cafe no one wears glasses because it looks better without glasses (somewhere along the line."

And after the manager stopped talking for awhile, she turned and look at me, with that look that I know, SHE WAS REFERRING TO MY PIMPLE.

This is what I got from her look:

So me with glasses don't look nice. Then what about you and your pimples?

I stabbed her a thousand time in my mind. Again, I shrug my shoulders and tell her, "I don't know."

- Story 4 -

I was hanging out with my Alpha 14/13 some days and one of them sat beside me and started to tell me about my skin.

"Do you do any skincare regime?"

"Uh, no, just wash my face that's all. No mask or whatsoever."

"WOAH, then your skin very good leh!"

I almost puke in my mind. DAFUQ you serious? Ma face's condition back then is almost the same as current.

I'm accepting my acne. Mind you, it's acceptING, and not acceptED. So whenever someone make a comment on my acne, my self-esteem drops okay. Yes, I know I have acne, but I don't need your kind reminder(s) every now and then. The pain I felt on my face is already reminding me what a horrible (and shockingly) face I am having.

And do you know how tempting it is to see a face wash? You never know because you lucky people do not have acne like mine. Every time I walk passed a skincare shop or Guardian or Watson, I will 80% go in and search for my Savior, and 100%, my Savior do not work wonders. I have spent hundreds on skincare and face wash and the money spent is breaking me down. Every time I buy a skincare back, I will pray thoroughly to God, hoping that it will work and God answered my prayers, by giving me more painful red problemS. I want to cry so badly whenever one new member is added onto my face. You have no idea how devastating it is.

I know a number of you have introduced me or told me to do this or that, I did. And my face is still the same yo. And every time when I'm on tumblr or working, I will be looking at their face, to be specific, their skin. And most of the time, they have effing clear skin, like porcelain (LOL, maybe not that perfect), and I will be stomping and rolling on ground in my mind asking WHY GOD OF ACNE WHY ME. But seriously, why?

I did thought of using make up to cover up my acne but no, I don't want, and I don't dare, because it will add up to the burden. They say (the Internet) to let your acne BREATHE. F no? I wish they can be suffocated to death and stop bothering me. But no, I heed the Internets advice and bare ma face, and all of the time ma face looks like this 

Those two red dots are the famous breeding ground for pimples. And accompanied with white and black bumps.

You know, I really envy people who are able to conceal their face with concealer, because that means your face is GOOD, you can cover up your flaw(s) with it yo. And I bloody can't do that, it just look x100 disgusting if I ever do that. Okay, maybe the reds can be covered, but never the bumps. 

I read reviews about this DRx clinic and I'm hoping to try out. Their reviews are good and what not. But you know everything in the world must be balanced with Ying and Yang, so if it's good, there must be something that's not so good about it. Well, a consultation with the doctors there can cost about $100 and your customised skincare regime can cost you up to $600+. You got me, SIX HUNDRED PLUS. I'm working my ass off right now to save (the money) and save (my face). I wonder how tired will I need to be to earn it.

How I wish I'm born in rich family or a person with SUPER DUPER ENVIOUS SKIN.

This post is getting kinda (or very) lengthy since I'm ranting about my acne and not writing a short story, and I don't know how to end it anyways. Oh well, f off acne.




P.S I can feel the existence of acne when ever I move my face, that's why I don't smile that much hmm.