How do I feel?
Terrible and awesome.
Irony.
Haha.
I have to agree that I like to be alone.
But I don't like loneliness.
It is only on that trip, I felt how lonely I am.
People were doing their task with their friends (and the new made one).
And I was just carrying out my task, alone.
At least for the first day, because it is sand and stones washing.
I was squirting there, looking at those non-stop moving mouth and the smiles. (I sound pedo here)
And then I look at myself, dirty (I mean, of course will be dirty laa), LONER (haha), I had lost my connection with people but bonded with those sand, stones, insects. WOW.
I was looking at my friend, she was chatting happily with her own CCA mates.
I look at my batchmates, they were both chatting happily with other people.
I don't know if I should say that I'm the one who cause all this loneliness.
Or should I say that they had neglected me.
Either way, or both.
I also found out that I had always been the last choice for everybody.
When certain works required partner, is either they pair up with their friend, or they are force to pair up with me, or, they will choose to stay alone even though I'm there to pair up.
You know, this is seriously like an insult.
So in the end of the day, I'm all alone.
I mean, it's okay, I had gotten used to the alone part, but not the loneliness part.
God actually says that loneliness is not a good thing.
But what I think is that it makes us (or me) reflects a lot.
So that is for the terrible.
The above chank makes me look despo for someone. x:
As for the awesome part....
Definitely I did learnt some hard skills and soft skills.
Hard skills is those like installing of insect netting (I got many cuts for that) and washing of sand and stone <---- I think this is actually not a skill, it is something you should know how to do when you was young.
But still, it is still a skill, right.
It's a heart pain to see the children over there walking with no shoes.
Especially a place where there is lots of mud and stones.
House fly.... okay, I'm used to that, because in my grandma's house, there is lots of that, so not a problem for me actually.
Their toilets are run down.
Toilets with no doors, or do have, but cannot be lock.
Bless them.
But what I envy about them is that they don't have (or rarely) the emotions that city kids have.
Like competitiveness.
Ya, they can have a carefree life.
Not worrying about today how many hours are they going to get for facebooking, etc.
This is what I actually envy about it, others... hurhur, not so.
I don't know why I wrote more about terrible things instead of the awesome things, perhaps is because I'm a pessimistic person.
We are young.
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